Why did the princess cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing her seat belt.
What's the difference between Swampy
and Princess Diana?
Swampy came out of the tunnel alive.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and
a Skoda?
Diana wouldn't be seen dead in the back of a Skoda
The driver of Diana's car was on drugs.
Speed and Smack
What's on the B side to candle in the wind?
Crash Bang Wallop What a picture
What does DIANA stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident
I heard Diana was on the radio after the crash in Paris?
& the dashboard, & and the gear stick etc etc
What did Dodi say to his bodyguard?
Would you like to come to Paris with me and Di !!!!
The Queen has just bought Fergie her christmas present.
A meal at the Ritz and a lift home.
How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
Where does Princess Di stay when in Paris?
Any place she can crash.
What do you give the princess who has everything?
A seatbelt and an airbag.
What did St Peter say to Di at the Pearly Gates?
Wipe that "merc" off your face.
What's the one thing that attracts Diana more than a
wealthy Egyptian?
A solidly-built Pole.
Of course, I could add that the police at the scene
didn't need to add chalk outlines....
There was Di all over the road.
What's the difference between a
Mercedes 600 and a can of spam?
They give you a key to get the meat out a can of spam.
How can you tell which one was Charles at the funeral?
He was the one talking to the flowers.
What's the difference between Mother Theresa and Diana?
5 days.
Why did Henry Paul swerve into the pillar?
He wanted to see if a Mercedes Bends....
Did you hear they are going to make a movie about her?
It's going to be called "Di hard" or "Live and Let Di"
Why did Elton John sing at Diana's funeral?
The Crash Test Dummies couldn't make it!
What do Lady Di and Pink Floyd have in common??
Their last greatest hit was the WALL.
What's worse than getting red wine off carpet?
Getting Di off the uphostery.
Why was Princess Diana so thin?
Crash diet.
What did Prince Charles say when he heard about
the automobile accident?
Well, that's the way the Mercedes BENZ.
When Prince Charles was told of Diana's death he
was all ears.
What's the title of the new Princess Diana movie
they are making?
One Wedding and a Funeral.
Once again Princess Diana proves a big hit in Paris.
What did Princess Diana do when she heard the driver
had been drinking?
She hit the roof.
How do you spoil Princess Diana?
Leave her out in the sun.
What's the bumper sticker on Fergie's car?
I brake for Paparazzi.
What happens when you french kiss a fairy tale
Princess?
The frog turns into a wall and croaks.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and
Princess Diana?
A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
Why don't you want to buy golf clubs at Harrods?
Their drivers suck.
What was the last thing Dodi said to Di?
"You look smashing!"
What did the mortuary assistant say as he
unzipped the body bag?
"Zippady Dodi, zippady Di!"
What were Diana's last words to the paparazzi?
No photos. I'ma bloody mess.
What's the difference between Ramsey Street and
Prince Charles?
One has a Mrs Mangle, the other has a Mangled Mrs.
What does Princess Diana's bumper sticker say?
My other car's a decoy.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and
Elton John?
Princess Diana never became a queen of England.
What is the difference between leeches and the
paparazzi?
Leeches fall off after you die.
How did The Royal Family stop the paparazzi
from visiting Diana's grave?
By placing Land mines around it.
What was Princess Diana wearing the night of the crash?
Crushed velvet.
Was Princess Diana crazy that night?
No, but she was nearly in Seine.
What are the paparazzi charged with at the scene of the crime?
Ma'am slaughter.
Mike Tyson has agreed to fight Prince Charles
for his next boxing match.
It seems that no one else has big enough ears
to go 12 rounds.
What does Di and Freddie Mercury have in common?
Both had to die to get away from Queen.
When is a princess not a princess?
When she turns into a pole.
What does world hunger and a mercedes have in common?
Diana can't stop either.
What does Tiger Woods have that Princess Diana didn't?
A good driver.
Q: What's the difference between George Best and the driver
of the car?
A: George Best can still take corners when he's pissed.
Q: Have you heard about the Princess Diana computer virus?
A: Your computer speeds up, your driver runs into a post
processor, and your hard drive crashes.
Q: What does Princess Diana and a bottle of French
wine have in common?
A: They both came from France in a wooden box.
Q: What's the difference between Princess Diana and a
coffee filter?
A: One gets tucked in a funnel, the other...
